What's the Story, Morning Glory.
'Wakey wakey rise and shine boyo', is how I greet my morning stiffy. As Bob Hoskins used to say in those crap TV ads in the '90s, 'It's good to talk', even if it's to your own cock I reckon, no one else is fucking listening, and seeing as I am working away at the moment, the 'Old Boy' and me are getting back to spending some quality time together. It's like travelling back to my teenage years when I would regularly have to 'sort myself out'. Needs must and all that.
Getting a big boner as you wake is not officially called 'Morning Glory' of course, but that's what I'm going with cos it links to the Oasis song title and video below (Class). Plus I think it's better than what most people refer to it as, which is of course 'Morning Wood', shit description, in my opinion, mine is far better as it has the word 'Glory' in it, which means magnificence or great beauty. Not that the wife would agree with my self deluded evaluation, her description is more like 'drippy little tiddler'. Oh well, it's not how it looks eh, it's how it performs.
One last thing before we get into it all, if you are wondering what the hell this pic of flowers is doing as the main post photo description, here's why. I came across it whilst googling 'Morning Glory', and it turns out to be the name of a species of flower, and I thought it would be fucking hilarious if some O.A.P gardening types came across this post whilst doing a horticultural search and ended up here reading about 'Stiff Dicks' lol. I know, I'm a sick fuck.
Anyway, if you do wake up with a rather larger than normal bulge in the pyjamas, give yourself a pat on the back or a stroke of the todger in appreciation of the fact that your hormone Testosterone is at an optimal level. If you don't wake up this way, but perhaps with a more 'limp looking lettuce', then you need to look at your life and work out what the hells going on. Unless you're a vegan then it's probably your own fucking fault, you need to up your supplements ten fold or eat 15 tons of Spinach & Pumpkin seeds. Fuck that shit.
So it's all about hormones, vitamins and minerals, what a surprise. In my research, hormones play a major role in the regulation of certain bodily processes, weight, hunger, satiety and libido, just to mention a few, and Testosterone is a major player in Men's Health and we need to make sure that we optimise this particular hormone for us to be at the top of our game and be, well, men and manly and all that shit.
I started this post with the Knob gags because sexual health is what this is all about, and Testosterone (from now on referenced as 'The Big T) is absolutely essential in that department, it also plays a role in bone health, muscle growth, energy levels and psychological health. Sounds like something we should all strive for if you ask me. So let's fucking strive, and explore how to get this hormone tweaked to the max, so we can feel better from the all above-mentioned benefits, and your Mrs can benefit from the walking 'hard on' you will become.
Many thousands of years ago, our cave-dwelling ancestors ate meat, lots of it, and the cave paintings of old suggest mainly red meat from big fucking beasts that they had to run down, outsmart and spear the fuck out of. This wild catch (today we have to settle with grass-fed Beef) would be very high in saturated fat, monounsaturated fat, and cholesterol, which are all used to make our sex hormones, so the lads would be producing tons of them, especially the Big T, also, the fresh-kill would contain all the essential amino acids they required. All these nutrients would have made our cave cousins healthy and horny. If you don't believe me then check out this cave painting I came across that proves it. Ready, here it is.
I reckon the guy on the left is on his way to join in the fun, not a fan of sloppy seconds myself, either that or he's some sort of fucking do-gooder and about to spoil the action by telling them to sling their hook. Who knows.
Whichever way you look at it, back then, we must have got plenty of shagging done, because we are all still here. Whether they were 'at it' on a monogamous basis or everyone was just fucking about all over the place, It wouldn't surprise me with all that Big T floating around, but I don't really know for sure. It does give me a warm feeling deep down though hoping that our cave couples of the past were bonking their brains out like rabbits because life must have been hard as fuck, and a quickie in the local stream or out on the plains under the stars might have been their only pleasure in life, no Netflix back then see.
Now let's get down to some testicular testosterone titbits so you can optimise your own Big T levels and get back to doing what you should be doing best, being manly. Just a quick overview from me, I try not to get too technical here, I'm all about just getting the message out there in a humorous and quick format.
Firstly, and I would say primarily, get some decent red meat with healthy fat, my go-to is a grass-fed rib-eye steak, medium to medium-rare, the good stuff is in the juices. This steak will give you plenty of Zinc, 6.11mg per gram, compared to Spinach for example which has a poorly 0.8mg. Zinc is one of the building blocks of Big T, so get that grill or BBQ fired up and get fucking carnivorous. My mouth is watering just thinking about it.
Having excess body fat can lower your Big T, so losing weight (fat) can bring your levels back to the normal range. If fat loss is your thing, start slow and with a long term plan, there are no shortcuts trust me. It has to be a structured process with the correct support, such as my Primal Process program, it's a good starting point.
Get plenty of natural sunlight and therefore a massive hit of Vitamin D, which is more a hormone than a vitamin really and helps produce many other hormones and stuff, including our hormone of topic here. Don't burn though, that's not good, be sensible.
The recommended Vit-D levels are way too low, and most of us are deficient, this has been known for yonks, remember your box of 'Kellogg's Frosties' from the '80s which made a big deal that it was 'Fortified with Vitamins and Minerals. Yeah, nice try Mr 'I'm against wanking' Kellogg, but the best way to get it is from nature, not synthetic methods. Not that I am totally against supplementing with Vit-D because I do it myself in the winter months, but you've got to know how much to take and quality counts, that bottle you picked up for 99p in Home Bargains just ain't gonna cut it.
Quality sleep is another factor. Try and keep regular sleep patterns with good sleep hygiene. Ok, I guess you're wondering what the fuck is sleep hygiene, basically, it means a nice cool room about 18C, dark as the ace of spades so no light pollution, and the Biggy, not laying in bed scrolling through fucking Facebook for an hour before you 'try' to get to sleep.
Holy shit times up. So a few pointers for you lads, something to muse over yeah. Get those Testosterone levels where they should be ok, waking up with 'Morning Glory' is a good sign of sexual health and general life robustness. Finish now by watching the music vid and your good to go.
Primal Health Coach.
"Be Happy, Be Healthy"
"Live Long, Drop Dead"
Classic Oasis tune from the 90's lads, great video, they are being noisy neighbours. A couple of great bits in this video, but what the hell has that old biddy got on her fucking head at around 1.25. Hilarious, enjoy.