• Primalneil


I used to love this, it was a kids cartoon back when I was a little squirt, approximately 13 yrs old, so at that time, it was just prior to my advancement to the big leagues, hanging out with the big boys that were doing the big boy things like smoking, drinking and pacing up and down outside the local chip shop hoping someone would drop a Fucking Fiver on their way out.

Let's just take 27 seconds shall we and refresh our dwindling memory synapses with the TV intro...

Great stuff, I have fond memories of that cartoon, completely stupid and funny with no hidden subliminal messages about bloody 'road safety' or 'stranger danger'. As a young lad of course after watching this kind of thing, I was completely up for ramming as many bananas down my gob as humanly possible, as often as possible, and I wasn't sharing.

With such free publicity to a young audience, I can only imagine the sheer joy on the faces of the CEO's of those Big Banana Companies as they shipped more & more bananas 6,000 miles across the continents to a destination called 'The family fruit bowl'. This particular communal household item was usually located on the kitchen table (if you were a normal kind of family). If you were unfortunate enough to have been dragged up, then your bowl was the Tesco carrier bag that the fruit originally came in. If this bag actually made it out of the boot of the Ford Escort, it would still be completely forgotten about, because when you went to help your Mum put the shopping away, you would only be interested in finding out how many boxes of Jaffa cakes she'd bought.

Of course, you were only helping out in the first place so that she could not secretly hide said Jaffa Cakes from you and have them all to herself later that evening while watching 'Starsky & Hutch'. So that poor old 'Tesco Fruit Bowl Bag' would perhaps be left still hanging on the back of the chair, and would remain so until every last grape had shrivelled to the size of an ant, the apples had changed appearance so dramatically that at first glance you thought they were plums, and the bananas were as black as the ace of fucking spades.

Your Mam wouldn't have put it away, she wasn't interested in frigging fruit back in those days, that was for Hippies and Tree Huggers. A Box of 'Milk Tray' or 'Blackmagic' was her go-to snacks. She was buying the fruit for you because there had been concerns at the 'parents evening' that you were looking a little 'Peaky'.

Fuck me, where the friggin hell am I going with this...oh yeah, bananas.

This beautifully shaped fruit, that sometimes you would stick down the front of your pyjamas, just to get a feel of what it's going to be like when you grow up, walking around with a 'Massive Member' dangling down by your knees, actually affecting the way you walk.

How disappointed were we later in life eh?

This beautifully shaped fruit, that only a hand full of people across the entire globe actually know how to peel properly. The video is below, It'll mess with your marbles man.

This beautifully shaped fruit, whose lifeless exterior after consumption, has been used millions of times for entertainment purposes, precariously placed slippy side down on the pavement waiting for the impending 'Slip, Trip and Fall' #healthandasfetyatworkact1974.

And last but not least, this beautifully shaped fruit, that has become the go-to health snack, eaten even more than the humble golden delicious or granny smith apple.

There are 5 billion bananas consumed in the UK every year, on average that's 100 bananas per person, That's a lot, isn't it?. Yeah, I thought so too. I personally don't eat a lot of bananas, so some fucker somewhere is really going out of their way to stuff these things down. Now, my spider senses are picking up a little apprehension from you, your waiting for the punchline, the bad news, the doom and gloom, well, it ain't all bad.

Let's get into it.

There are two sides to this coin lads, ripe bananas and unripe bananas, or if you're a bit short on brain cells, yellow ones and green ones. What's the difference then apart from the obvious colour change? let me enlighten you, and I will continue with the colour description as it's easier to remember when you're in the supermarket (and for Thicky McThick Fuck).

Yellow bananas are fairly high in sugar, they are over halfway on the glycaemic index which is a numerical scale representing the relative ability of a carbohydrate food to increase the level of glucose in the blood, it goes from 0 to 100, with 100 being pure Glucose.

(I will use the term sugar for glucose as it's just easier, although sugars come in many forms such as fructose, sucrose, lactose etc, let's not go down that road at the moment).

Yellow bananas rank around the 60 mark so not a complete train wreck, but I suggest not a free pass to just ram as many down as possible either. As usual, there's always more to the story than meets the eye, although fairly high in sugar they are high in potassium and several other vitamins which is a good thing of course, but here's the thing.

If you have a labour intensive job such as a construction site tradesman and you are burning tons of energy day in day out, then you can probably get away with the sugar hit, but if your an Office Waller Desk Jockey staring at a screen all day sat in a swivel chair, then that same sugar hit will more likely convert straight to fat, and stored on your arse, next thing you know your contacting your line manager requesting a bigger fucking chair, and those things ain't cheap, he will probably tell you to 'Do one'.

Green bananas on the other hand are much lower on the glycaemic index, with a score of around 30, half of the Yellow fuckers. These have mainly resistant starch as opposed to glucose, they get metabolised differently and therefore won't raise your blood sugar as much. Resistant starch is very good for your gut health, it feeds you microbiome (billions of bacteria doing all sorts of things in your colon). More on that another day.

The problem of course is that they taste like bloody chalk, seriously, that's exactly what they taste like, so you end up cleaning your tongue afterwards with a wallpaper scraper, another problem is that they are extremely difficult to peel, you cannot open them the conventional way. So in the context of blood sugar and gut health, they are far superior for your general health. I personally cut the skin off, slice the bugger up and whack it in my full-fat bio yoghurt, it's just about bearable to consume then. I might have the odd yellow banana if I weight train or do some intense exercise, I certainly don't snack on them Willy Nilly. I tend to stick to the green ones, and then it's not a particularly regular thing, just now and then to boost the immune system via the microbiome.

So there we have it, we got there in the end. Eat your bananas, just be a bit mindful of the things discussed, it's different for all, depending on your circumstances.

All that remains is the short video as promised, see below, and I want to see every one of you open them like this from now on. Couldn't find a short enough YouTube vid, so I made one myself, I even put on a yellow T-Shirt to go with the theme. Plus, there's a great bonus video after that and a little Banana experiment for you.

Thanks for reading lads, Sign up/log in to leave a comment.


Primal Health Coach.

"Be Happy, Be Healthy"

"Live Long, Drop Dead"

Bonus Video below, short Hale & Pace comedy sketch for you, Billy & Johnny at the Hospital, this has my all-time favourite Banana gag. Enjoy.

The Banana experiment.

Take a yellow banana, get a toothpick, very gently write something on the skin and leave.

Within a few hours, the words will appear like the picture below. When the cells of the skin are scuffed they release polyphenol oxidase, which reacts with oxygen to produce pigments.

So write something clever on the ones in the fruit bowl, be inventive.

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